I am Afraid

I have a confession to make to… well I guess to you. Whoever is reading my this. And it may sound silly, but its been on my mind for a while now, so here we go.

I am afraid.

It sounds so silly when I type it out. I am afraid. I’m not sure how you think of me, or realize this through my writing… Then again, it may come through more than I like. You probably don’t think of it at all and I am just babbling. But here is the thing, I really am afraid. Of the future. Of graduating. Of deciding what my life will be. Of being hurt. And as often as I dream about it, I’m actually afraid of traveling. I’m also looking forward to all of these things. I can’t wait to see what my future holds after graduation. I can’t wait for one of the hundreds of trips I’ve planned to FINALLY happen. Those things excite me to my core. And yet they terrify me.

What if I completely screw it up? What if I fail? What if my dreams crumble before my eyes? What if I finally get somewhere and something happens? What if I get mugged/lost/hurt in another country and I’m alone?

But on the other side:

What if I excel at my plans? What if I’m able to put all of my plans in action and kill it? What if I didn’t take that experience I have worked so hard to achieve? What if I didn’t try at all? If I let the fear control my life, am I really going to be any safer?

If you’re anything like me, these are only a few of the questions running through your mind daily. And, despite my fear, I have a love for life. For finding the next trail to follow. For discovering what is just beyond the river bend. For doing something new.

Fear is this little voice in your head telling you what could go wrong, and lets face it, sometimes things can go horribly wrong. (Whats that called? Murphy’s Law?) But, there are so many times where things go wonderfully right.

I guess my point in all of this is that you can either let that fear grip you and keep you from some amazing adventures, or you can push it aside and let life lead you where you never even dreamed possible.

Don’t let fear rule you.

 

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