I can feel it. The second I’m alone. The darkness beginning to envelope my mind. I can feel its claws beginning to curl and twist my thoughts up with them. And I try so hard to fight it. I numb my brain with tv, I escape into books, I’ll bury myself in a bottle of wine… all to drown it out. The screaming. It’s like someone is trying to tell me what is wrong with me, that no one cares for me, that I’m alone. I know it’s not true, and I try to fight it… but sometimes the screaming stops. And a whisper starts. You’re not good enough. People leave because you’re worthless. You annoy everyone. You’re too much. You’re too big. The list goes on and on. Sometimes my mind falls into it. My escapes fail and I’m left paralyzed by the fear that this voice is right.
I know it’s not. I fight it everyday. I pray. I read. I focus on the positive. But sometimes… sometimes I need an escape.