Sometimes I still hear it, that not so quiet voice in my mind that says I’m not enough. That says I never will be. When people leave, it says it’s my fault. It takes things the wrong way and it tells me that these people I call friends don’t care, or that they simply pity me. I still here it sometimes, it’s your fault all of these things happened. No one actually cares.
And I ache. I ache in trying to tell myself the voice is wrong. I ache as I pray and pray and pray for it to stop. I ache while I try to convince myself that I am worth so much more. That God sent his son for me, to save me. I am worth more. But then that not so quiet voice comes back. Trying to drown out the things that I know.
And I cry. I cry when I can think of nothing else. I cry when the people in my life make me believe the voice. I cry when I can no longer handle the voice. And I cry out to God to help me.
Everyday we are faced with the options to either believe that God is greater than those who wish to destroy us, or to give way to the terrifying thoughts. Everyday we must decide whether or not we want to believe in God’s truth, or Satan’s lies. And everyday it is still hard.
One day I hope for it to be easier.