Let’s talk about depression, anxiety, and being a Christian.
I’ll start out by saying I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus and that the Bible is the word of God. I believe that He has the power of mercy, grace, and healing. And, I believe that He answers prayers… Even if the answer is no.
I have lived with depression for many years. Since I was in middle school. The anxiety didn’t come until sometime in highschool. I never really understood what was happening. At the time, I just thought, there is something wrong with me. I’m with friends, yet I feel alone. Things are going well, yet I feel like something bad is about to happen. People smile and tell me they care, yet all I could think was they hate me, I’m just a bother. Im just here because they feel sorry for me.
Fast forward and the anxiety kicked in. You aren’t good enough for this, you can’t do that. This is too much. Overthink this, over think some more. Don’t sleep, think about that one comment that person had last week. No one would understand if you tried to tell them all of these things. You can’t do anything. My chest would tighten sometimes and it felt like I was having to gasp for air.
As time went on, these feeling of self-doubt and worthlessness continued to grow stronger. Taking over every thought and action. Anxiety and depression, a deadly combination. I could barely breathe. All I wanted to do was die. And I tried. It was the easy way, the cowards way, as some put it. At the moment, I saw it as my only option. I was wrong.
God had another plan for me. He intervined. All of my desperate prayers and trying to find the right verses to combat these things and, finally, He intervined. His answer was yes, I will save you, I will help you, I am here.
This did not mean the end of my struggle, but it told me that I was not fighting it on my own. God was holding my hand and fighting it with me. I didn’t feel as alone.
It has been six years since God intervined and answered my prayers. I still pray. I still read my Bible. I still hope that one day He will heal my mind, completely. I still struggle. I have bad days where I cannot breathe. I feel alone. Days where I can barely get out of bed, or even answer my phone. But I can feel Him. I know he is there. Holding my hand. He is answering my prayers, His answer is just not now.
So, I am relying on Him. I am trusting Him. I am believing in Him and His plan for my life.
I hear all the time, it’s a choice. Just be happy. Change your point of view. Think of good things. You must not be praying enough. You need more Jesus. I’ve heard a lot of different solutions. But, what people don’t realize is that depression and anxiety are diseases that plague your mind and, if they are severe enough, your body as well. They are chemical things in you. We cannot help it.
I believe that He is a merciful God. I believe that He heals. But, He does it on His own time. Not ours.
So just keep believing. Just keep trusting. Things will get better, they always do.