Excerpt of a Book I’ll Probably Never Write III

She turned and walked away as tears began to burn her eyes. She blinked, trying to hold them back. He caught up to her and grabbed her hand, pulling her back in his direction. 

“Mel, wait.” She jerked her hand from his and looked up into his searching eyes. His beautiful hazel eyes that she loved so much. She looked away and shook her head.

“No, I can’t do this. I can’t just keep waiting for you to make a decision.” Her voice shook. She felt her lips quivering as a single tear escaped. He reached toward her as if to wipe it away. She took a step back.

“So I’m going to make the decision for you.” She said in a quiet, almost mouse like, voice. She was surprised at the sudden calmness she felt. Her eyes still burned with tears, but she wouldn’t let him see them. She wouldn’t let him have the chance. She took another step away from him as he took another step closer.

“Mel, listen to me.” His eyes suddenly wide with fear as he realized what was happening. “I am sorry that I hurt you. I never meant…” His voice trailed off. Reaching his hand up, he ran his fingers through his hair before bringing them to his face and rubbing his eyes. 

“I know.” She said quietly. “I know you didn’t mean to.” Looking down she closed her eyes to get through what she had to say. “I know you still care about me. I know you want me to be happy.”

“You know I still love you, right?” She looked up into the face of the man she was so desperately in love with. Another tear made its way down her cheek. 

“Yes. I know.” She whispered. “But, not enough.” His face fell. Suddenly, he didn’t look like the man she knew anymore. He looked older. He looked beaten down and hardened. She knew that he would regret this one day. But, it wasn’t today. And she had to do what was best for her. 

Taking a shakey breathe she said, “I’ll always love you. I d-don’t think I could ever not love you.” Her voice caught. He tried to interrupt but she held up her hand. “Please, let me finish.”


“I’ll always love you. But I need to do what’s best for me. I’m dying living like this, not knowing if I’m going to hear from you or if you even care anymore…” She clenched her fist to keep going. “So, I’m going to go now.” She looked up into his sad eyes. She knew he loved her. That he would do anything for her. But, he couldn’t be with her. Not now. Probably not ever. She turned and walked the last few feet to her car. Opening the door, she stopped and turned to look at him one last time, and with the tears beginning to force their way down her face, she said, “Goodbye.”


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