Storms

I know you’ve heard that lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice. It seems to be a pretty common piece of information. But storms don’t act the same way. They just keep on coming.

Honestly, life can be pretty hard sometimes. Maybe you get a strike of lightning in a certain situation and then you think that things couldn’t get any worse… Surprise! A storm is just on the horizon. I guess today held my storm. It’s funny… I’ve had the few things go wrong this past month.. My lightning strikes. I wasn’t expecting a storm, if you can call it that I guess. But, when you find out that something you believed in and trusted and loved was a lie.. Yes, my storm hit.

Let me rewind. For three years, I had an on off long distance relationship… If you can even call it that now. But he had been my best friend for years before that, too, and he started it. To be honest, I could still tell you every detail of how our whatever started and all the insane ups and downs that followed… But over all, I fell head over heels in love with a boy -not a man, as I once thought- that lied and told me he wanted to be with me forever. I won’t go into more detail because, though, I’m past it and I’m very okay that it is over now, it hurts to me realize it was a complete lie. 

Today, I had a conversation with my mom. I guess I should tell you that this boy’s mom was my aunts best friends son. (Confusing I know.) My mom informed me that months ago, when our whatever ended, she had a conversation with my aunt about him and me. Turns out, he lied. He told his mom I was nothing to him. We were just friends. He told her that I WAS GETTING THE WRONG IDEA. He told her that he wouldn’t come and see me. And assured her that if she had any other thought he would prove it… 

Now… As I sit here and take these words in… Every word he ever said to me is coming back in waves. Every time he told me loved me and that he would shout it to the mountain tops was a lie. Every time he told me that his mom loved me, and would love to see me, was a lie. Every single thing he ever said to me… A lie.

And I believed him. I trusted him. I loved him. And now I am laying here trying to understand how someone could be so cruel and how I could have been so blinded. How do you come back from a storm like this? How do you trust the words, I love you, again? How can I believe in a person after this? What is even the point of that? HA.. I don’t, I don’t know what to think. 

I’m scared, though. I’m scared of what the world has come to. I’m horrified at how easy it was for him to lie like that and how normal it is. I just want this storm to pass. I want to breathe again. I want to walk outside and not worry about the Lightning. I guess I’ll just watch the rain fall and hope when it’s over, things will be new. And things will be okay. 

I hope they’re okay.

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