Its kind of funny, you know? I hear the people in my life say all the time… “You don’t understand, I can be mean, so mean.” “You aren’t going to want to be around when I act like that.” “Everyone leaves.” “You’re too nice to be with me, you aren’t going to be able to handle that side of me.” “I’m going to hurt you.” Something I have noticed in people like that, is that as bad as they can get… They are always wrong. I do stick around. I always have their back and tell them that things are going to get better. I never leave the people in my life, even when things get tough and they get mean. But they were right about one thing, they do hurt me. And I always forgive them. Its always okay. And they always come back acting like it never happened.
But its funny, you know? I can be mean, too. I could hurt you, too. I have breakdowns, too. But, no one ever knows. I just shut down. I turn it in on myself so I don’t hurt anyone else. I am in a constant state of frustration and stress and I just want to take it out on someone… So I choose me. But, I could hurt you, too. I could be mean, too. But, instead, I sit and I write, tears winding their way down my face for all of the words I could be saying, but I won’t. Why?
Because they will leave.
Isn’t that funny? How someone can be there for someone and be nothing but kind and doesn’t leave when everyone else does, can be left because for once they couldn’t hold their emotions in?
Here’s the thing… It’s not. It’s not funny. It sucks. It hurts. But, sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying.